Today, we’re going to have a little fun and explore a topic entirely new to me: relationships between men and women.

Originally, this article was going to be titled “7 Things Guys Look For In Girls” - but I decided to hold off on that topic until next time.

Send me a message if that’s an article you’d like me to write!

For now, let’s have some fun exploring all the silly ways guys try to impress girls!

  1. Guys wear expensive shit for no reason.

Watches, cars, clothes, jewellery, phones - anything to signal to girls that we have money and power and can take care of you. We’re safe, stable, and have plenty of resources to support a family.

We also think it looks so totally cool, when it probably doesn’t to girls.

2. Guys bulk in the winter and cut in the summer.

We change our entire lifestyles to try to impress women. From our eating habits to our sleeping habits to our exercise habits and everything in between - we basically change our entire lives twice a year for the sole purpose of carving our bodies into a sculpture that is that much more aesthetic, and likely to attract you beautiful women.

3. Guys pay for stuff for girls.

Because we want girls to know we can take care of them and support them. We like the feeling we get when girls smile after we get them something, or pick up the check at dinner. We do this as often as we can because it feels so special.

4. Guys are extra nice to puppies.

And people, and babies, and anything. We want to appear kind to girls to make sure you know we’re going to be good with your babies. Plus, when we put our faces close to puppies, we try to confuse girls to think that we’re as cute as puppies are. It usually works.

5. Guys are unnecessarily violent.

Whether it’s talking about choking some guy out in a story, or actually punching a dude in the face at the bar - we go the extra mile around you women to show you we are powerful strong men capable of protecting the family.

Plus, the extra testosterone pump feels incredible.

6. Guys try to sound unnecessarily smart.

We tell you we read when we probably don’t. We use big words, and talk about our work like it’s rocket science when it’s barely above elementary school difficulty. We want women to think that we’re smart, intellectual, and more powerful than the system - so we can guide our family to the top of the intellectual hierarchy.

7. Guys pretend to know more people than they do.

If we seem wanted by a lot of people - guys and girls - we must have something going for us. We’ll call people our buddies when we’re out in front of you, claim our phones are blowing up, and talk about how busy we are all the time because we know that the more wanted we appear, the more wanted we will be by you, women.

And there it is! Seven things guys try to do to impress girls.

I hope you laughed a bit, and think about humans a little bit differently.

Come back next time for a little more fun :)

You friend,