It's funny how backwards we are sometimes.
You say you want to save money, but then you go for the appy, and the milkshake.
You say you want a romantic partner, but you won't even try once to extend to someone new.
You say you want a great body, but you still haven't been to the gym in months.
And you say you want more friends, but you're still trying to be like everyone else.
Your self-deception is comical when laid out like this, but in reality, it's destroying your life.
The closer you can get to living your life while actually following the real rules of the world (and not the rules you make up), the more you'll get what you want.
Here's today's example:
To become more liked by others,
Do not become more like them,
become more like yourself.
We all flock to famous people, because they're happy being themselves.
We are jealous of people who are able to make money doing what they love (by being themselves).
And you love to hate all of these people who are able to do this, when you're not.
The physical reality is that our brains have been hardwired to feel like we are going to die if we do not fit in with the herd. Because, well, way back when, that's exactly what would happen. We could not survive on our own, so this fear was legitimate.
Since there is a major delay in the evolution of our brains adapting to our evolving environments, our brains are always a little bit behind. They still love to convince us that death is right around the corner if we do anything that causes us to stick out at all. After all, who wants to die?
In reality, not only are we not disowned and left to die if we do anything to stick out, but we are rewarded socially for it.
I know, backwards right?
I mean, stop to think about this. Back in high school, the most popular kids were the ones that didn't care what other people thought. They were easy-going, living life how they wanted, and everyone flocked towards them - because who doesn't want to also live like that?
On the other hand, the most unpopular kids/social outcasts were constantly trying to 'fit in'. They would follow all the trends, copy everyone around them, and desperately cling people who they saw as confident.
Confidence cannot be bought.
It can only be learned, and it's a damn difficult process to acquire it. Confidence is one of the most scarce commodities in the world, and while it's a renewable resource, it seems like it's getting more and more rare - harder and harder to find within ourselves.
If you want to attract other people, if you want to create a mini-world that other people want to get involved in, if you want to create a vibe that everyone in the world wants to be a part of (like Drake), you've got to learn to unapologetically and fully embrace yourself.
The more you're able to express the Truth of who you are to the world, the more other people around you will feel comfortable doing the same. And since being honest, freely communicating yourself with the world feels infinitely better than holding back, or communicating with tons of blocks, everyone around you will keep coming back, because they love feeling good.
It's an awesome loop; a positively-reinforcing cycle.
It's hard to be different than everyone else. It takes energy. A lot of energy. In this article, my friend Tim Urban describes this using the metaphor of being a 'cook' and a 'chef'. While it usually reaps much more rewards to be a chef, it's a lot harder. Tim shares how he intentionally chooses to be a cook with how he dresses, and uses that energy to be a chef where it matters most: choosing an unconventional career path.
Moral of the story:
Don't fool yourself into thinking
being like everyone else
is what's going to get you liked by everyone else.
And be fucking better at it than anyone else.
Bless you for your time and attention. I sincerely hope you found this article was worth it.
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