it’s 8:30am on a Saturday morning in August.

and i’m speaking to a bus full of about fifty people about to go white water rafting.

they get us to share a little bit about ourselves so we care enough to save each other from drowning,

so naturally, when sharing my greatest fear at the end of my speech,

i’m honest - a little too honest for 8:30am - and say, out loud:

“And my greatest fear?

Well, women, of course.”

And the bus goes… silent.

In school my best subjects (by far) were math and science, and my worst; english and social studies.

I’m a left brain guy, and there is something that is just not-very-left-brained about women.

There are no rules, no formulas to follow…

Only endless circles of overthinking myself into an asexual existence.

And while I could continue with my usual patterns…

And spend another couple minutes of our time talking about how I’m getting over my female-fear…

(what a nice ring to that, mmm)

We’re just going to do it.

(Drumroll please)

The answer we’ve all been waiting for:



  1. Decide what action needs to happen to get over your fear (talking to women).

  2. Commit to one action for the week to an accountability group (talking to a woman).

  3. Do/don’t do the action, face the consequences, and repeat.

One of my favourite parts about this life is that we can learn from others’ mistakes.

My cousin shared one recently that’s been especially sticky in my mind:

From the ages of 22-27, I lived according to the first half of the African proverb, ‘If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.’
— Jordan Gray

After chasing my invisible tail in my invisible mind for seven months since my last breakup…

I got a buddy, went to Whole Foods and talked a real girl I had never met before.

And for the first time in seven months, I got to be who I really am.

Only, with the help of my brethren.